How many times have you thrown up? Most people can probably give a good estimate. It's that rare, gross, memorable event that, for most, adds up slowly over a lifetime. For me it's different. I've probably thrown up a hundred times since Christmas. I wake up most days nauseated and more often than not I get sick. I don't know why, my doctors don't know why. I've taken every medication made, had everything under the sun tested and probed and still no diagnosis. Sometimes it's a bonus day and I pass out too. The last time that happened I was running up a hill and the next thing I know, I'm on the ground groaning about a dislocated shoulder. I have no memory of falling- everything just went black.
Sometimes the symptoms subside throughout the day. Some days I feel sick but never get sick- if you know what I mean, and I think you do! So I'm constantly trying to evaluate my condition and trying to guess whether or not to push myself or rest. Most of the time I'm happy I pushed myself, sometimes I regret it, sometimes I stay home. Last Friday I pushed myself and regretted it.
Some friends and family and I had tickets to a Whitecaps baseball game. I felt cruddy all day long (see before picture) but really wanted to go. So I made myself get cleaned up (see after shot). I not only did the normal routine but I added a few extra steps (polished the nails, gooped up the hair, walked through a mist of my best perfume. . .) to try to psych myself into feeling top notch.
For awhile it worked. But when the game was over- it didn't. I had a major blowout. Right there in the ballpark, in the hall, in the parking lot, in the car. So gross and embarrassing. I wanted to die, literally.
My motto- "fake it til you make it" almost did the trick. It just didn't get me home. I guess I'll have to live with it, for now.
lookin good!
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